WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
