I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
