Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
