What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize