There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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