So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it because I queefed?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Congratulations! We have a period
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
