do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
