I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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