Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
