It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
