I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
