Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
