I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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