I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
