Ambien. No doubt about it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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