Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
