update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
