once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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