Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
