Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Houston, we have a blender
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
