I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
