Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
