terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
