I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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