I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
