I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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