No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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