We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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