I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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