my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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