So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??