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"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
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