no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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