I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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