Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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