Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
