Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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