i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
