In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
