I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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