Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
