ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
