If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
