So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
