Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Buhtt sex?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
