dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
