Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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