Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
