in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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