I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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