She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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