i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so let's talk penis.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
