haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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