Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
