Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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