I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
