unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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