Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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