Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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