That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
