you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
