porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
