she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize